What is xiangqin？
3 min readXiangqin refers to a blind date where the couple involved has not met each other before.In ancient times，the xiangqin date seldom occurred due to the fact that a marriage was completely arranged by parents’order or on the matchmaker’s word.A prospective bride was not expected to be exposed to her prospective bridegroom under any circumstances prior to their wedding night.
However，some prospective bridegroom’s parents wanted to see what the prospectivebride looked like as early as possible.So，on many occasions they concealed their identity and silently stood near her residence in the hope that they could steal a glance at their son’s prospective bride.A silent glance，they believed，might not give trouble or pain to the prospective bride’s family，and their mutual marriage between the two families would continue as usual.
In early modern times，the xiangqin date gradually became popular.The following were two commonly-accepted ways for the xiangqin date process.
a.Parents or aunts would take their son to visit the prospective bride’s family.It aimed to let their son have a chance of meeting the prospective bride. Accompanied by her parents，the prospective bride came out，presenting tea or lighting a cigarette to the visitors.The group of visitors might include some close relatives whose comment on the prospective bride would be of some value to a mutual marriage promise between the two families.During this period the prospective matesremained separated and only stole a few glances at one another.After this xiangqindate，it would be the matchmaker’s duty to communicate between the two families for the confirmation of the mutual marriage promise.
b.A matchmaker would accompany a prospective bridegroom for his xiangqin date in his prospective bride’s home.Right before his departure，his parents would specifically instruct their son how to address his prospective bride’s family，how to offer cigarettes to the prospective bride’s father and how to make a wine toast to her family.Accompanied by the matchmaker，the man arrived at his prospective bride’s home.He was warmly hosted，and his prospective bride came out for a greeting.She made her appearance just for a short time and then hid herself elsewhere.Meanwhile，the bride’s parents took advantage of the date to confirm if they were satisfied with their daughter’s prospective bridegroom.
On the xiangqin date，if the bridegroom’s family felt satisfied with the prospective marriage，the family would give to the potential bride a small red-color packet，which contained some cash.The packet was called“a gift at the first meeting.
At present，the marriage arrangement is less dependent on the parents，especially in urban areas where a marriage is commonly based on love and mutualattraction.In some remote rural areas，it is still difficult for young people to meet and get to know one another，so the marriage arrangement still works，but it is an operation of a different kind from those performed by a matchmaker in olden times.A current matchmaker，or a go-between，usually introduces the two sets of parents；the parents then consider how many members in each family share the family income and property，how many people in each family can work，and its annual income before they ask their children’s opinion.If，after the couple meet，the man is satisfied with the match，he will leave a gift，usually money；if the woman accepts the gift，they are engaged.
